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Phone calls, for me, are scheduled events between business associates or people who need to have a Serious Conversation of some sort.For him, they are what instinctively happens when he has a question, when he has a funny story, when he wants to make plans.It is so important to have that talk as soon as possible and to continually update that. It’s also a way to discern what other issues may be at hand. If they are reluctant to show you their approved visiting list, is there a reason?During talks, are they more inhibited than you’d like? Do they talk about things you’ve never heard of or never thought to try before? Every bit of information is a clue to better knowing your potential partner. (I’ll probably be hated for naming this one, but it’s important.) Perhaps those names are your competition. Some families lacked closeness prior to the person coming to prison.You’ve decided to widen your options to include those who are currently incarcerated. Do you want a situation that more easily justifies your desire to go slowly?You’ve listed all of the pros and cons and have ultimately decided, why not? Are the restrictions on your time, energy, emotions and other areas of your life limiting your desirability in “normal” dating situations?
Though you may receive a surprise bouquet of flowers (more likely a card from canteen), can you accept you’ll definitely not be getting breakfast in bed on your birthday? Can you cope with limited contact and other difficulties? If they’ve remained unchanged, they may still carry traits you don’t want in a partner. If they’re reckless in here, without a concern for their losses (meager as they may be) what might they sacrifice out there? If the person you meet doesn’t work or go to school while they are in prison, what do you think they’ll do when free? In here, there is time, more time and then extra time to do most of what you want to do.This prison environment is so sterilized and neutral, it doesn’t lend itself to showing off personality. What are the subtle and glaring misrepresentations? Women have their hair extensions and whatever other enhanced aspects to them and men do as well.Family accounts can add a depth to your understanding of your prisoner’s naturally occurring mannerisms and quirks. It could be as simple as faking fashion sense and style.No subterfuge at work there, but the disparity between one’s daily clothes and visiting clothes is a clue. People pay others to write their letters, so they don’t appear as illiterate or poor with words. One benefit for extending your romantic options to include those who are incarcerated is that you’ll get a higher level of captivated interest and a heightened receptivity to relationships. There will be enough naturally occurring difficulties in developing a relationship, don’t let the above add to them. There are scammers and those with a limited capacity to truly know others on a deeper level.
Some people in here, if you see them daily, you’d think they never got out of bed, the wrinkles and such. When getting to know someone, be sure you’re getting to know . When the two of you discuss plans for the future, are their talks surrounding THEIR plans, THEIR dreams, what THEY need and what THEY are going to do? Love can be found anywhere, and with work, it can flourish. No matter how mindful you are, there will be challenges.
While looking at it, see how many of the names say “family” next to them. People who have more support and connections tend to do better upon release, giving you and your relationship one less struggle to manage.